This one is up on Scary Mommy today!
Being late is rude. I get that. I have frequently been on the giving and receiving end of lateness, and it feels bad either way.
But I’m going to finally confess something that I think you all need to know: I, myself, am an organized, respectful, timely person who just happens to be raising little people who want to make me look bad in front of others. Yep, it’s true.
Here are the reasons why it’s not my fault when I’m late:
1. My 3-year-old daughter’s greatest desire is to thwart me with her fashion choices. She’s an adorable child who insists on looking like a hot mess every time she walks out the door. And for those of you who say, “You are her mother, you should have control,” well, the only thing I can say is that this one can make a Buddhist monk look indecisive.
2. My 8-year-old son’s greatest desire is to be doing anything besides what he should be doing, including: arguing the many-layered dimensions of sock-wearing, purposely making his sister lose her mind, and hiding and creating detailed vampire maps while he is supposed to be brushing his teeth
3. The pre-activity food refusal. Murphy’s Law of Children states that children are only hungry when miles from any sustenance.
4. My kids move like they have cement in their underpants. And if I say, “Hurry up!” the cement seeps down into their shoes and they just stand there and look at me until I turn that shade of purple that finally frightens them into action.
5. They are very unhelpful people. I would say completely useless. They have no interest in whether or not they make it anywhere on time, and their arms are weak noodles that can’t even carry a grocery bag.