Unknowingly, I am making myself obsolete.
When I’m not right there, my son will comfort my daughter when she gets hurt. They dress themselves, they get their own snacks and can navigate Netflix better than their grandparents. And they don’t even ask me to get them a glass of water anymore because, I guess, the phrase, “Are your legs broken?” has officially been said enough.
I still make them food, and read them stories, tuck them in and holler at them to kill each other in a quieter manner. But they are slowly moving outside of my orbit. I can’t decide if this is freaking me out or if I love it. Maybe both.
When I was campaigning for a third child, one of my husband’s best arguments was that he felt like our lives were more than just parenting. And since my writing career has unwittingly landed me in a place where I am producing a show about motherhood and I get paid to talk about anything and everything that has to do with parenting and being a mother and having kids and blah blah blah, I often find myself seeking ways to talk about ANYTHING ELSE.
Being a mother is simultaneously the greatest and also the most self-altering thing I have ever done, but it’s not all that I am. Not that anyone reading my Facebook Page would ever know that. I talk about my kids, I take their pictures, it’s all about them.
Recently, someone wrote a prompt in a group that I’m in asking us to write something surprising about ourselves. Me? Huh. I wasn’t sure I could. I could have come up with 20 surprising or funny things about my children or my husband or probably even my dog (I mean, this dog came home one day with his toenails painted red so he is definitely having a more interesting life than me.)
I guess I don’t want to become obsolete for myself. I want to hang on to those things that are me, and that have nothing to do with being a mother.
Here is my 25 things about me ala US weekly. I mean, I hope if you are reading me, you are at least half-heartedly interested in me. Or, at least you are so bored looking at Facebook that you clicked on my blog to waste 5 minutes of your life. I thank you.
This is a picture of me RIGHT NOW. With a filter, naturally. And I got my hair done yesterday so it’s all shiny and flowing in the breeze.
25 Things About Me:
1. I love whiskey. I am a whiskey snob. But, much to my husband’s chagrin, I always have to put at least one ice-cube in it, even if the ice-cube does nothing to improve the flavor.
2. One of the scariest moments of my life was when my OB called me at work and told me that there was a chance my son had Down’s Syndrome. Now, if that happened, I think I would be okay.
3. I tear up VERY easily. When I’m happy, sad, moved, or even sometimes when I write. This is a genetic trait, my dad and son do the same thing and my son calls it, “getting the sadness.”
4. I am an obsessive goal writer. Unfortunately, I am much more about the goal-writing than the goal-doing. I’m working on it.
5. I am writing a YA novel about a tree who falls in love with a little girl.
6. I have carried a dead calf and eaten Rocky Mountain oysters (they taste like chicken).
7. I sometimes fly in my dreams. I have to really run and take a huge jump and then I’m up there flying around. I can even feel it.
8. I am an emotional hoarder. I will be super calm for months and then I will have a major freak out over my family not wanting to eat the spaghetti that I made.
9. I was the starting point guard on my high school varsity basketball team and I have maybe held a basketball 10 times in the last 20 years.
10. My husband and I have a lot of freaky similarities in our family, especially with numbers. Once, I looked at my children’s birthdays and they have the exact same numbers in their dates. I could have probably predicted my daughter’s birthday.
11. I met my husband when I was 19. I fell in love with him right away. Partly because he always called me on my bullshit. He still does. It’s so annoying.
12. I am mostly happy.
13. One of the saddest things that has happened to me was losing a friendship and not understanding why.
14. I can knit. But not purl. I have knit around 15 baby blankets and 20 scarves but I never learned how to purl. I don’t know what this says about me.
15. I talk to my sister almost every day.
16. My first job was as a dishwasher/bus girl at a Mexican restaurant called Tortilla Flats. I was 14 and I don’t think I realized that I was supposed to bus the tables too. I worked there for an entire summer and I never realized why I kept getting into trouble.
17. I read about 100 books a year. At least that’s what my Kindle told me once.
18. I am really good at not talking to myself negatively. I figure that if I have to live with me, I should probably be nice to me.
19. I’m fidgety. Especially when I write. I play with my jewelry and my hair and I pick at my nails.
20. I have a weird thing about leaving the last bite of food. I just can’t eat it. I don’t know why.
21. I probably apologize too much. Sorry about that. And I’m learning how to stick up for myself. One time I didn’t even speak up when a hair stylist washed my scalp so hard that she actually cut me. That’s just a tad too passive.
22. I am book smart. And a good test taker. But I have to do it myself because I learn nothing from listening. My husband will attest to this.
23. I have never shot a gun, been in a fight or been to Europe. I would like to do 2 out of 3 of these. You decide.
24. I think my friends would say that I am a good listener. I hope.
25. I am the most happy sitting on my deck on a sunny day with my family after a big run while drinking a good IPA.