This post is up on Huffington Post today…they edited it a bit.
Here is the REAL version;
As our New Year’s Resolutions start feeling a little more like crap we won’t do again this year, I thought it might be helpful to think of how we can actually bring more balance into our lives as mothers. That’s what we are all looking for, right? We want to be skinnier and have the cleanest homes and be able to follow our dreams, all while corralling uncivilized, messy, poopy, shorter versions of ourselves.
That really doesn’t seem like too much to ask, so I came up with some ways that we can all do this:
1. Drop your pesky sleep habit. Who needs to sleep when you could be exercising or organizing your home or following your dreams? Not me. I have to care for children during the day so the night is ALL MINE.
2. Give crack cocaine a go. I have never tried this but I’ve heard it’s supposed to give you a lot of energy. (I’m totally kidding, please don’t try crack cocaine.)
3. Be super-duper rich. Pay other people to love your children so you can love yourself.
4. Make rigid schedules and force everyone to stick to them like you are all in the military. That sounds fun, right?
5. Clone yourself. And make sure you amplify the genes that like to cook organic meals and wipe butts and wear uncomfortable lingerie.
6. Invent time travel… and stop Mark Zuckerberg from inventing Facebook.
7. Join a minimalist commune. Think of a place where your children’s only toys are frisbees that you can also use for plates. You could go nudist and then you won’t even have to do laundry!
8. Weave a magic carpet and fly away to a land where there is no time and no one will notice that you are missing. I like this one.
9. Believe in the power of The Secret and manifest children who will clean their rooms and eat broccoli without turning into Johnnie Cochran.
10. Become a sister wife. I really think these girls are on to something.
11. Live with your parents. Never mind, that one is just crazy.
So… good luck out there! Here’s to 2015 being the year we all find some balance.
Or just maybe give ourselves and each other a break.