Karma is stalking me in the form of a purple dress that my daughter wears most days of her life. I believe this is because, as a child, allegedly, I was quite particular about the clothes I would wear. My attitude once prompted my sweet grandmother to declare to my mother, “I would never let a two-year-old tell me what she was and was not going to wear.”
I felt this same way until presented with the seriously strong opinions of my own little girl who will perseverate ALL DAY LONG if she is made to wear something that she doesn’t agree with. She once held a cardigan shut with her hands (for hours!) to cover up an adorable white shirt that she said was “too straight.”
Here are just some of the other reasons why my three-year-old is changing her clothes:
1. There’s a bone on it. (a bow)
2. Her friend borrowed this sweatshirt once and now it’s too hot.
3. These pants aren’t jumping high enough.
4. When she swallows, this coat tickles her neck.
5. She forgot that she can’t do jeans on her legs.
6. Halloween shirts just feel scary.
7. These tights are choking her feet.
8. Her brother breathed on her.
9. She remembers that there used to be a tag on this shirt and even though it was cut out, the shirt apparently still retains all of the bad memories of that long-ago itchy tag.
10. These shoes aren’t “dancy” enough.
11. This dress just feels like it’s sad.
12. She got a stamp in gymnastics on her arm so now she is unable to wear clothes of any kind in case they accidentally brush against her stamp and ruin it.
13. Her brother said she doesn’t look like a super hero.
14. The owl on her pajamas was staring at her in her bed.
15. She can’t remember.
16. The purtle isn’t purtle enough, the sparkles aren’t sparkling enough and the stripes aren’t stripy enough.
17. There is a single drop of water on it.
18. She saw a picture of herself in her favorite dress and now she has to wear it because she hasn’t seen it since yesterday.
19. The bottom of this thing is just “crazy.”
20. Her socks are too heavy for her shoes.
21. There must have been a misunderstanding, she clearly said, “princess party dress.”
22. There’s a hole in it (there’s not).
23. This shirt lives in the drawer all the time (it does).
24. It won’t go on in the right direction (it will).
25. This elastic waist band is hurting her feelings.
This post originally ran on Scary Mommy!