My husband and I went on a vacation. Together. Without kids. I know. Crazy with a side of sleeping-in till noon. It was lovely, we drank beer, we ate the best burgers in Vermont and we had a full-fledged adventure (which deserves its own post once I recover).

Here is a sneak-peak of “The Run From Hell.” Notice in the first picture that I am very far behind him. And in the second picture I am climbing a rock. Not, in fact, running.

(A big huge thank you to Robb’s parents who held down our home-front with ease, despite the week we were gone being Grayson’s Special Person of the Week at school (meaning show-and-tell EVERY SINGLE DAY) and also him having a field trip and Nora displaying a recent book-de-shelving psychosis.)

See exhibit A:

books

And yes, she still has the side of her bed up. She likes it. But DO NOT make the mistake of calling it a crib. You will regret it.

 

I haven’t traveled on an airplane without being responsible for a child in quite a few years which is maybe saying something about how fun it is to be with your husband in the first few years of him starting his own business.

Read; Not fun.

I flew out to meet Robb in Burlington as he was wrapping up some work stuff and during the trip out, I found out that I actually love traveling.

By myself.

I am a very fun person to travel with. I don’t whine at all or lick seat belts or stare unabashedly at the other passengers on the airplane. I just sit there and read a book and drink some wine and mind my own business. Well, at least I try. I did get sucked into admiring pictures of my neighbor’s friend’s cousin’s dog on her phone for about 30 minutes. To be fair, it was a cute dog. Sometimes I’m a little too friendly and people think I care way more than I actually do.

And because I am fond of making lists out of all the things in my life (all sorts of lists that would boggle your mind)…here is my list of things that are awesome about traveling without children.

1. Going to the bathroom. I almost feel like I don’t need to say anything more about this but I’m going to anyway. I realized that, while traveling by myself, that I am a normal human-sized ambulatory person who can fit nicely in a regular stall. This is because I’m not hauling 12 bags balanced on a stroller or trying to convince a blue-eyed version of myself that peeing really is something that humans have to do once in a while.

2. And…the automatic flusher in the toilet did not scare me or anyone else that was in the bathroom stall with me, making it a much more relaxing experience.

3. The stuff I did not have to bring on the airplane with me, i.e. extra underpants, pack n’ play, carseats, games, DVD player, movies, this week’s special blankets and stuffed animals, and an entire carry-on filled just with patience.

4. The people I sat next to on the plane did not make the sign of the cross when they saw me coming.

5. The magazines. The wine. And the napping. My own napping. Not the napping that I desperately work my entire day trying to achieve in some other person.

Success!

Success!

6. The people-watching. There is a whole lot of fascinating humans to observe when you aren’t concerned about keeping someone else alive while exiting the moving sidewalk.

7. Bodily functions. Again. Surprisingly easy to keep track of when they are just your own. And I did not have to say the word “potty” even once.

8. The startling amount of selfish glee I got from watching other parents while they struggled to get their young children to act normal. While watching some new parents attempt to convince their oddly strong toddler to not kick the seat in front of him, all I could think was, “Good luck, Suckers!”

9. I never once had to apologize for my lack of social skills. “Like, sorry. I guess I’m just feeling shy today. That’s why I am staring at you with a blank look on my face while you ask me my name.”

10. And finally, without my cute sidekicks, I was basically invisible. I am a bit of an introvert, so this was awesome. Nobody asked me what grade I was going to be in or if I liked my teacher. Nobody asked me if this was my first plane ride or if I felt like a big girl for having my own seat. And, best of all, not one person tried to play peek-a-boo with me between the spaces of the seats.

 

And…I’m pretty sure the kids didn’t miss us.

 

If this makes you happy, then you should be overjoyed to know that I’m on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and even Pinterest!

 

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2 thoughts on “Traveling Kid-Free…Turns Out It’s Awesome

  1. Rachel says:

    I’m very jealous. I went on a bus ride with a friend yesterday and even that was good. My friend didn’t even cry when somebody else pressed the bell before her and I totally got to sit by the window. Adults are great like that.

    1. joellewisler says:

      Hahahahahaha! That’s awesome.

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