I’m over at Scary Mommy today talking about swim noodles and kids named Namaste Jones.


Fountain Enema

Now that summer is finally, hopefully, for the love of all things hot and sunscreeny, here…we have been making the rounds at some popular pools in Boulder. Sometimes I find it fascinating to watch other people interact with their kids. This may mean that I don’t get out a whole lot.

Here are some variations of Moms that I have seen at the pool:

1. The Regulars: The swimming pool that you are at is their swimming pool, you just haven’t realized it yet. They come in small groups and set up shop at the prime sunny/shady spot with their matching fold-out chairs and their coordinated snacks and brightly colored towels and eye you a little suspiciously if they don’t recognize you. They are together. You are clearly not in their togetherness with your raggedy bath towels and your chocolatey-faced children.

2. The Nannies (Or “Au Pairs” if fanciness is required): They often look as weary as any mother. One told me the other day, after she rehearsed an oddly mechanical phrase to the child she was watching, that she has a set “script” that she was supposed to say to get the children to stop doing something. I could tell that her heart wasn’t really in it though, and I think the little girl could too, because she kept right on pushing those other kids off the ladder to the slide like it was The Lord of the Flies.

3. The Fun Mom: This mom makes us all look bad and I don’t like her very much. She tickles her kid going down the slide EVERY TIME and she lets the kid ride around on her back even though they are clearly choking her and she encourages games of tag where she actually tries to catch them and everything. And she brings swim noodles for chrissakes. Swim noodles. Her kids look pretty smug too, as if they know they had done something pretty great in a previous life to earn Fun Mom.

4. The Phone Moms: We all need to talk at some point, but there are some moms that literally spend the whole time on the phone at the side of the pool. It’s impressive. Their child is eating other people’s snacks, using my kid as a floaty and clogging up the slide situation by trying to go up backwards and Phone Mom is completely clueless.

5. The Toddler plus New Infant Desperation Mom: She has a new baby snoozing at the side of the pool. She has a toddler wreaking havoc like a boss. She is lucky if her swimsuit is on in the right direction. She looks a little freaked out around the eyes. We’ve all been there. You may see her nodding off a bit as she sits down in the shallow end and then get startled awake when her toddler pokes her face with an errant swim noodle.


And you can read the rest here!


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8 thoughts on “The Moms You Meet At The Pool

  1. momto3sugars says:

    I love it!!! I have been the toddler plus infant mom!!!

    1. joellewisler says:

      Thank you! I have been all of these things. Well, except for Perfect Mom and the Grandma!

  2. Nostrikethat says:

    Reblogged this on No, Strike That and commented:
    This post made me grin. Sadly, there is really only one kind of dad. Two, tops.

    1. joellewisler says:

      Thanks for the Reblog!

  3. I don’t know why it’s so satisfying to read lists like this where people are divided up into tidy groups, but somehow it seems to make us all feel a little bit better.

    1. joellewisler says:

      Right? I don’t know why either but I think we know that we are all a mix of a bunch of different things on different days!

  4. Beth says:

    A Facebook friend posted your piece about the pool moms and I loved it. I have never commented on a piece to someone I did not know, but I found myself nodding and smiling at your words. Well done!

    1. joellewisler says:

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! It really means a lot.

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