I’m guest-posting at Scary Mommy today (!) talking about some of the do’s and don’ts of parenting that I have learned (the hard way) over the years.

I have only been working at this parenting gig for seven years now so I don’t really know what I’m talking about, but here are some of the tips I have learned from my seven years of trial and error. And error. And error. And error…

1. Do teach your children that whenever you are on your computer that it is always called “working” so that when they talk to your partner later on, they will tell them that you were working all day even if you were just getting caught up on Breaking Bad.

2. Do put duct tape over the speakers of your children’s talking toys so that you don’t turn into a raving lunatic over a plastic cat yelling “Chase me!” ninety-one hundred times per day.

3. Do be silly. Even if silly is not in your nature.

4. Do listen to your kids’ dreams from the night before. Sometimes, it’s a fascinating look into what they are thinking about. And if their friends start turning into zombies, it might be time to limit the Minecraft.

5. Do buy a Rainbow Loom or something like it. Sure, the rubber bands are annoying and self-propagating but I have never seen my kid concentrate so hard on something. But don’t get one if you don’t think it’s funny to find an actual rainbow in your dog’s poop.

6. Do invest in Crayola. Like, stock investing. Just my family alone should make it worth your while.

7. Do teach your children that raisins are candy. I totally forgot to do this.

And….you can read the rest by clicking here!

or click on the picture!

If this makes you happy, then you should be overjoyed to know that I’m on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and even Pinterest!

kidsbeach1

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2 thoughts on “Scary Mommy. Do’s and Don’ts.

  1. Jamie says:

    I read this on Scary Mommy and clicked over to check out your blog. I am also in CO and have a Nora! She is going to be 1 on 1/20. I have a 7 year old boy as well, funny.

  2. godansker says:

    We learned the tape over the speakers trick early on and it has been GREAT! We also started right away with Kid 1 to never EVER replace batteries to anything in front of the kids. When the batteries die we say “oooh, so sad, it’s all broken.” If we want to fix it overnight it is a *miracle* in the morning…or it stays “broken.” Parental discretion rules. Congrats on a Scary Mommy day!

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