Okay, maybe this isn’t a tutorial. Maybe more of a cautionary tale. But it could be a tutorial if you followed all of the steps outlined below that took me from a Cool-Meeting-Celebrities-Type-Person to a Squealing-Lunatic-Type-Person in just a few easy steps.
Once, in public, I saw someone ask Susan Sarandon, “Do you know if anyone is in this bathroom?”
Oh wait…that was me.
We were in Bar Harbor, Maine for a family vacation. And to be fair, it was a dimly lit restaurant and I was more concerned with getting my almost two-year-old son into the bathroom than with noticing if there was a world-famous celebrity sitting in the corner.
I’m sure she probably thought that I was inventing an excuse to talk to her, but I was really only thinking about how silly I would look if I was standing needlessly outside an empty bathroom. I sometimes do this. I think the door must have been locked and I had probably knocked, but I don’t really remember the details. Because that was when I recognized her.
She kinda shrugged at me and said, “I’m not sure?”
So, what did I do next? Well, of course, I immediately ran to my husband and all of my extended family and let them know that Susan Sarandon was sitting outside the bathroom. And then when my son and I eventually made it into and then out of the bathroom, I couldn’t stop myself from looking over at her one last time which was when my son spied the small white dog sitting on the chair next to her and yelled “Doggie!” I looked at her sheepishly, like yeah, you caught me, I have now figured out who you are and I will proceed to stand here like a starstruck teeny bopper.
And then? And then she asked me if my son wanted to pet her dog. Umm. Yeah he does. How could you tell? By the rabid look in his eyes as he frantically tried to claw his way out of my arms, or by how he was shouting “Doggie!” with ever-mounting excitement?
And that was when Grayson, my first born child….Pet. Susan. Sarandon’s. Dog. She complimented him on how gentle he was being. I fully admit that this was a very proud moment for me. She was really quite beautiful. Susan Sarandon that is, not the dog. Well, the dog was okay, I’m sure. I think I might have blanked out a bit because it was such a surreal situation.
And I was like, I am so cool. I’m totally not being weird or anything. I can TOTALLY meet celebrities. I’m like a Cool-Celebrity-Meeting-Type-Person.
And then as the totally Cool-Celebrity-Meeting-Type-Person that I was, I said, “Thank you so much! See you at Cannes!” Just kidding about the Cannes part. We then walked out of the restaurant (I might have sauntered a little with my newfound status) and as we got outside, it was as if the goofy girl who was trying to be cool just couldn’t keep it together anymore. I turned to my husband, Robb, and I began to jump up and down and squeal “Oh My God! Oh My God! Grayson just pet Susan Sarandon’s dog!”
But Robb did not appear to be as excited as I was and actually he widened his eyes a little, and shook his head at me…just a bit. And then he mouthed “shhhh” at me.
But I didn’t care- I was on a high that only a person who secretly reads People Magazine and then meets one of THE PEOPLE, can be. But then, Robb subtly motioned with his head to the very tall man that was standing right next to him. A very tall man that couldn’t help but be overhearing the excited shrieks that were coming out of me.
Yeah. Tim Robbins. Who is in fact, very tall. And who was most likely smirking at the crazy girl standing outside the restaurant jumping up and down with glee about her kid petting his family dog.
Yes, I am so very cool.